Today is a good day.

After 16 months, this morning I finally received the news that the perpetrator who was arrested and sentenced will be required to serve his FULL sentence of 30 months and following that, be deported to Nigeria.

During the perpetrator’s appeal hearing (last week), the court determined that due to the severity of his crime and my resulting PTSD, the sentence could not be reduced whatsoever.

The perpetrator then had one last avenue of appeal – to the Supreme Court. The time frame he had to make this appeal has now officially passed, as of today, and he has submitted no further appeal.

I honestly don’t know what to feel. It doesn’t quite feel real yet. It has been so hard fought, and I am so used to getting bad news that I feel as if any moment I’ll get a call and be told they made a mistake.

Regardless, it is done. Justice has finally, officially, been served.

There is absolutely no way that this result would have been achieved without the unending support and INCREDIBLE generosity of my family, friends, and strangers from all over the world. I cannot thank you enough, or really put into words, what this means to me.

This is not the end however. It’s only the beginning. The beginning, I hope, of change.

I am currently in the process of suing the police for their professional negligence and misconduct, as well as the immense secondary damage which they caused me. I am hopeful that this will send a very clear message that this kind of appalling treatment of women, and the contempt and apathy shown to their cases, will not be tolerated.

Though the chances are slim, I do still also have hope of bringing the other main perpetrator to justice (whether it be civil or criminal), and will not rest until I have exhausted every avenue available to do so.

For now, though there are still cases ongoing, I’m looking towards the future.

What happened to me, and the way it was dealt with, has reignited my passion for law and justice. Though I have loved teaching, and it may be a career that I return to one day, it is my goal now to move to London in January 2018 to attend law school and become a barrister. I hope I can use my experiences and channel the passion I have to help others in need, and really make a difference (as cliche as that sounds).

Dream………… then do. 


Justice was served.

This morning at 10am, one of the men involved in raping me was sentenced.

Statistics say that only 9 percent of all rapists get prosecuted. Only 5 percent of cases lead to a criminal conviction. Only 3 percent of rapists will spend a day in prison. The other 97 percent walk free.

The usual sentence in a case like this in Korea is around 1 year. The prosecutor requested 1 and a half years. Today, my attacker was sentenced to 2 and a half years jail in South Korea, which will include rehabilitation, and be followed by deportation and registry on the public list of sex offenders in Korea.

Though this doesn’t sound like much, it is huge. Unbelievable. A huge, much needed step in the right direction in Korea.

To go from my case being marked as closed, and essentially being told to forget about it, to this… is not something I can even really process yet.

There were obvious aggravating factors such as the fact that it was a sexually motivated crime on a victim that was in a vulnerable situation (ie. drugged), the fact that the accused continuously changed his plea and story and appeared to not show any remorse, and the fact that there were a string of other offences that he was up for (including illegal immigration)… but I firmly believe that the amount of media attention we managed to generate, and the amount of pressure that we put on authorities has had a profound effect.

This has set a precedent for the way that sexual crimes are handled and sentenced in Korea, which was my biggest goal.

It sends a very clear message: WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED. We will stand TOGETHER. We will fight and we will WIN.

This win, today, is for every other survivor. For every woman that came forward to me and told me their own stories, some of whom I now consider my closest friends. For every woman who reported their assault and was made to feel like they were a liar; every woman who was blamed, who was silenced, who was bullied or ridiculed or ignored. This is for you. For every woman who chose not to report, because they were scared of these things. Because having to constantly re-live these horrifying crimes was more than they could bear. Because their attacker was a partner or a friend. Because they were ashamed or embarrassed.

To these women: your feelings are completely valid. It is your choice not to report and it is nobody’s right to make you feel guilty or convince you otherwise.

I went through most of the above. I was blocked at almost every turn. The system, the authorities, people I initially trusted…until now, had actively worked against me. I understand better than most, why the statistics for reporting are so low.

This is not the end. Although it is unlikely (given the circumstances surrounding the sentencing and the comments made by the judge) to have much, if any, effect, the accused can appeal. I still have multiple other cases ongoing, including the case against the Korean police. The other rapist, and any other men involved, still currently walk free.

But this is a win. A huge win. Something I would never have been able to achieve without the unending support of my friends and family, and the unbelievable generosity and encouragement of complete strangers all over the world.

Thank you. I love you.

1 Year On

They say a lot can happen in one year.

This time last year, right now, I had just started a pub-crawl in Seoul, South Korea.
Some time after midnight, I was drugged, abducted and delivered to two men who were ready and waiting.


At exactly 2:22am, these two Nigerian men entered a back-alley motel in Itaewon and rented a motel room. By 2:31am they had returned, this time, taking me with them.


CCTV footage shows they took turns in the room with me. When I awoke, naked, my things strewn across the room, my dress ripped and my money gone, I remembered only one of the men.


When I reported that I had been drugged and raped, to a designated one-stop centre who were supposed to specialise in sexual crimes, I was made to feel like I was the criminal.


There was only one supervisor on duty that night. She was already busy with another victim of sexual assault. A female police officer took on her role.


Over the course of the next 12 hours, I was sent back and forward between the hospital and police sections of the building. There was a translator present but they mostly refused to tell her what was happening. I didn’t speak Korean so I had no idea either.

When questioned by the same female police officer, I was asked incessantly about how much alcohol I usually consumed, and how much I had consumed that night. It was suggested that because my memories were hazy due to being drugged that the rape probably never even occurred.


In the weeks and months to come, the police continued to severely compromise my case through a lack of evidence collection and a lack of investigation.


My requests for information and my medical records and the results of tests and examinations were ignored for almost a month.


After engaging the embassy and providing a power of attorney, I was finally able to obtain these. There was essential paperwork which was supposed to have been completed by staff on the day, detailing the tests they did and documenting evidence and other notes surrounding the case. It was not filled out until almost a month later. When it was finally filled out, many pages had been left blank. Sections which were specified as being essential had been skipped. Doctors wrote on this formal documentation: “She told that she was drunken and lost her consciousness after large amount of alcohol ingestion with some one”.


When questioned about this months later, the hospital blamed the police, saying the police officer responsible did not tell them that I had been drugged or raped.

The police in turn blamed the hospital.

The questions which were supposed to have been asked of me in the formal rape kit documentation were never asked despite the presence of the translator. Evidence was never collected from my hair, mouth, nails or clothes. NO PREVENTATIVE MEDICATION was

given for HIV, Hep B, Hep C or any other infection.

While CCTV footage was obtained from the motel I was taken to, police failed to obtain footage of the bar where I was drugged and abducted from. First they claimed that I had never told them about any bars in my statement. When the evidence in the form of my statement transcript was provided to them, they finally contacted the pub crawl organiser and bar. More than 6 months too late. The footage was lost.

Despite telling police exactly who I believed had raped me, after the man tried to add me on Facebook the day after (and matched the exact description I had already given police), police covered for the man and stated that he was not in the country at the time. This was a complete lie. They had already checked immigration records and knew for sure that the dates of his travel correlated exactly with the offence. They continued to maintain this lie until confronted in person. They then claimed it was an “error in translation”, but admitted that they had never bothered to even question the man before he left the country.


On the 18th of January, after being told by the consulate that there were “new developments in my case”, this was ripped away from me when it turned out the “developments” were that police had closed my case. They marked it as unsolved.


It was then that I went public, taking matters into my own hands after I had been completely and utterly failed by the authorities. I started a Gofundme campaign. I believed this was the best way to try to spread awareness of the huge issues surrounding the prevalence of sexual related crimes in South Korea and the horrendous way they were being dealt with, as well as raise money for my legal, medical and recovery related expenses.

In response to my campaign, the police station responsible for my case (despite never being named) outed themselves and turned the blame onto myself.


They organised for a press release (which they later admitted was entirely to protect their reputations) and claimed that I never remembered where or when I had been raped (a total lie). They also claimed that black male that I identified from my Facebook was an entrepenour from Nigeria who visited to attend a conference in Busan. They went to the media with this information despite lying multiple times and claiming he was never in the country.

They stated they had collected DNA evidence. They had never told myself or the embassy this. I had to find out via this news article.


Days later, police then attempted to harass me into viewing a post they had made via posting comments on the Gofundme page. The post was addressed to me, but posted publicly on their police station’s Facebook page. In it, among other things, they suggested that I was a drug user – “you stated that someone got you drugs and took you to an anonymous hotel”. They also stated that I had left the country giving them no way of contacting me or keeping me informed. This was also a complete lie. Police later admitted this Facebook post was not intended for me at all, but was solely to try to salvage their reputation despite the fact that it was them who named and outed themselves as the police station involved.

Around a week later, after enormous backlash from the public and media, the police posted again on their Facebook page. This time it was an apology for “unintended troubles”. They later admitted that this apology was not meant for me whatsoever, but only for the public, stating it was an attempt to “minimize negative publicity” towards themselves. They deleted their original post.


On the 20th of April, out of the blue, the police station emailed me screenshots from the CCTV footage.

The attached photographs, showing me pictured with not one but two men, were not attached separately but were sent in the body of the email. I had no choice but to see them when I opened the email, causing a severe panic attack and resulting in me having to be removed from work.


They stated that they had arrested both men. This was another lie. When questioned in person, they stated this was ANOTHER error in translation.


I flew back to Korea and spent seven hours meeting with police accompanied by my lawyer and embassy officials. During these meetings, I was laughed at, often completely ignored, blamed, mocked and ridiculed. Police yawned, left without warning, appeared to fall asleep and took phone calls throughout the meeting.


They placed blame not only on myself but also on the media, the embassy, the hospital and their own translator. They refused to accept any responsibility for any of their misconduct, negligence or the damage they had caused me, and they refused to apologise for anything they had done.


To this day, only one of the men has been arrested. He is being charged with semi sexual molestation due to lack of evidence. The other man walks free, having still not even been questioned.


Just recently, when the accused was supposed to have been formally convicted and sentenced, the most vital piece of evidence (the DNA report) appeared to have been lost. Court proceedings halted, despite the fact that the accused had already pleaded guilty. It turned out that this central piece of evidence had not been submitted to the court. My lawyer stated that this was unprecedented and “absurd”.


One year on, today, and this man is still not in jail yet. It appears there are at least one or two court hearings yet before I find out how much, if any, jail time he will even get. This is due to the constant stream of “lost evidence” and other ridiculous, completely avoidable complications in the court process.


I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One year on and I am still taking three kinds of medication – medication to help me sleep, because I have insomnia; anti-depressants treat my depression, and valium for anxiety because I still experience frequent panic attacks. These anxiety driven panic attacks are triggered mostly by seeing black men. I also have panic attacks if a man I do not know comes too close to me. It affects my life every day. I have had to either be removed from my school (my workplace), or had to go to the school nurse so I could be helped to calm down after panic attacks. One day when there was severe weather and the train I was on stopped working, a man from the Board of Education was sent by my supervisor in a company car to pick me up from the station and drop me at school, however I had a panic attack and could not get in the car with him as I was too scared and did not know him. M PTSD puts my job and relationships with people around me at risk. Most nights, unless I pass out from exhaustion, I have trouble sleeping. I have trouble falling asleep, because my body has been conditioned to fight unconsciousness as it is associates it with being raped. I usually take sleeping tablets in order to be able to fall asleep; however I still have constant nightmares and hallucinations. I frequently wake up during the night and see dark figures in my room. I have to get up, turn all the lights in the house on, check everywhere to make sure nobody is there, and then try to go back to sleep. I then have to try to work the next day while being extremely tired. I have fallen asleep at work due to not having slept the night before. I constantly feel exhausted.


Every day I struggle with depression. Feelings of exhaustion, anxiety, anger and overwhelming sadness are constant and debilitating. I cannot get through one day without wondering what my life would be like if this had not happened to me. I fight hard against wanting to give up on everything. I would frequently cancel organized events or scheduled catch ups with friends, and go for weeks without even going shopping for food because I could only manage to go to work and then go home to bed straight away. I had no energy or motivation to exercise, and resorted to eating unhealthy food for comfort. Because of this I have gained more than 15kgs, and my self esteem levels are extremely low.


It has been a year. And finally, in the last couple of months, I have started to feel better. I have started to wean myself off all the medications I have been on.


Despite the fact that one of the men who raped me is walking free, I have single handedly forced the police to re-open my case, arrest the other man, and hopefully soon, put him in jail.


I was approached by the largest feminist organization in Korea. Right now, they are assisting and supporting me in suing the police for their negligence and the secondary damage that they have caused me.


I have been knocked down. Kicked while I was down by people I trusted. Failed time and time again. There were times when I thought I wouldn’t make it. That I would never get back up. But I did. And I’m stronger. I truly believe that you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice that you have.


I still have bad days. I’ve learnt to hide them well. But the unending love and support of both the people I’m closest to, and people across the world that I have never even met before, keeps me going.


They tell me they wish they could do more. That they feel helpless. That they never know the right thing to say. I wish they knew how much they have done for me.


There is no right thing. Being there. Being present, no matter from how far, is enough. Checking in. Sending love. It makes the hugest difference.


Healing takes time. I’m taking baby steps. But I’m on my way.


Summarised Timeline in Korean

나는 에어드리 매트너입니다. 나는 한국에서 약물납치강간을 당했습니다.

2015 9 25 서울에서 휴가를 보내다가, 약물 납치 강간을 당했습니다.

그날 저는 pub crawl(펍크롤) 파티에 가기로 했습니다. 새로운 사람들과 좋은 경험을 하기에 좋은 기회라고 생각했고, 서울이 안전한 곳이라고 생각했습니다. 그날 저는 약물 납치 강간을 당했습니다.

, 택시기사에게 호텔로 데려다 달라고 애원했던 기억이 납니다. 그는 부탁을 무시했고, 옆에 앉아있던 남자가 시키는 곳으로 우리를 데려갔어요. 다음 기억나는 것은 호텔방 안입니다. 남자가 위에 있었습니다. 나는 그를 밀어내려고 노력했지만, 약에 너무 취해 저항할 힘이 없었어요.


다음날 아침 나는 완전히 알몸의 상태로 깨어났습니다. 옷은 찢겨진 채로 구석에 던져져 있었습니다.



오전 11시쯤 깨어나자마자 나는 호텔로 향했고, 호텔에서 성폭력센터로 갔습니다. 성폭력 사건을 접수하고 12시간 가량 저는 건물의 병원과 경찰 구역으로 이리저리 옮겨졌습니다.

나는 시간 동안 성폭력 경험에 기억해내고 진술해내야 했습니다. 조사 도중에 나는 아주 성차별적인 질문을 받아야 했습니다. 내가 단순히 취한 아니라 약물에 취했다고 주장했는데도 불구하고, 주량이 얼마나 되냐는 질문을 들었습니다. 옷은 어떻게 입었냐는 질문도 들었으며, 심지어 기억이 나지 않는다고 하면서 성폭행을 당했다고 생각하느냐라는 질문까지 들어야 했습니다.

나는 내가 갔던 펍크롤의 자세한 정보와 내가 갔던 , 내가 깨어난 호텔 들에 대해서 기억나는 대로 상세히 설명했습니다. 펍크롤 주최측에 조사를 해달라고 펍크롤 주최자의 연락처도 주었습니다. 나를 성폭행한 남자에 대해서도 기억이 닿는대로 모두 진술했습니다.

조사가 끝나고 나를 조사한 경찰관과 이메일 연락처를 주고 받으며, 나에게 직접 사건에 대한 업데이트를 해주기로 약속했습니다. 또한 병원 측에서 2 안으로 의료기록을 보내줄 것이라고 했습니다.



남자로부터 페이스북 친구 신청을 받았습니다. 남자의 얼굴이 내가 성폭행 당했을 당시 기억하던 얼굴이랑 똑같았기 때문에, 경찰에 남자의 페이스북 정보와 사진들을 보냈습니다.




일본으로 돌아왔습니다.




아직 경찰로부터 별다른 답변을 듣지 못한 상태였지만, 호주 대사관에 연락을 취했습니다.



내가 경찰관에게 보낸 페이스북 남성의 사진들에 대해서 나를 조사한 경찰관이 답장을 보내주었습니다. 나는 바로 내 사건에 대한 조사가 어떻게 되어가고 있는지 물었고, 병원 진단서 등 더 필요한 서류가 있다면 내가 준비할 수 있도록 알려달라고 물었습니다. 그러나 나는 이 이후로 경찰관으로부터 어떠한 답변도 받지 못했습니다.



거의 2주가 지나고서야 대사관을 통해서 내 경찰 진술서를 받을 수 있었습니다.

나는 나를 조사했던 경찰관에게 답장을 달라고 다시 한번 이메일을 보냈지만, 역시 답변을 받을 수 없었습니다.




대사관에서 연락이 왔습니다.

경찰서 수사를 지속하고 있고, 내가 지목했던 페이스북 남성은 사건과 아무 관련이 없다는 답변만을 들을 수 있었습니다.

3주가 지났음에도 불구하고, 경찰이 아직도 성폭력센터로부터 내 의료기록을 받지 못했다고 확인하였습니다. 대사관측으로부터 센터가 아직도 “기록을 준비하고 있다”라는 답변을 했다고 전달받았습니다.



드디어 나의 의료기록을 받을 수 있었습니다.

그러나 충격적이게도 나의 의료기록에는 내가 “술에 취해 혼자 홍대를 돌아다니다가 강간을 당했다”고 적혀있었고, 내가 ‘약물강간’을 당했다는 내용은 어디에도 없었습니다.

그리고 시행해야만 하는 검사들이 적힌 체크리스트는 모두 비어있는 채였습니다. 뿐만 아니라, 나에게 했어야 하는 질문들, “샤워를 했는지”, “소변을 보았는지”, “옷을 갈아입었는지”, “구토를 했는지”, “입을 헹구었는지’ 등의 체크리스트는 나에게 물어보지도 않았으면서, 모두 <해당사항없음>으로 표시되어 있었습니다.

게다가 내가 분명 항문에 통증이 있다고 진술했는데도 불구하고, ‘항문생식기 주변 상해’란에 <없음>으로 체크되어 있었습니다.

이런 모든 검사와 치료들이 당시에 통역가가 동반했음에도 불구하고, 제대로 설명되지 않고 시행되었습니다.



경찰서에서 대사관 측에 페이스북 남성의 입국 기록 상, 강간이 일어난 날짜와 일치하지 않았다고 확인했습니다. 그러나 나중에 경찰은 언론보도를 통해 해당 날짜에 그 남성이 한국에 있었다고 번복하였습니다.





대사관으로부터 이메일이 왔습니다. 이메일의 내용은 다음과 같았습니다.

진행상황 [종결]

피해자 상대 수사, 페이스북 대상자 수사, 현장 CCTV 수사, 정보원 상대 수사, 현장 잠복 수사 등 계속하여 수사하였으나 피의자들의 인적사항 특정할만한 단서 발견할 수 없고, 사건의 장기화로 일단 미제 편철하고, 향후 피의자들을 특정할 단서 확보 시 사건 제기하여 수사하고자 합니다.

이때까지도 나는 나의 알코올, 약물 검사가 음성 반응이 나왔고, 나의 가슴에서 남성의 DNA가 검출되었는지조차 모르고 있었습니다. 경찰이 나와 대사관에 단 한번도 알려주지 않았기 때문입니다.

이때부터 나는 내 사건에 대한 경찰 수사에 문제가 있다고 느끼게 되었습니다. 그래서 직접 펍 크롤 주최자에게 연락도 해보고, 제가 마지막으로 있던 바에도 연락을 해보았습니다. 둘 다 경찰로부터 어떠한 연락도 받은 적이 없다고 하더군요.




호주 대사관 측에서 한국 경찰이 내가 마지막으로 있던 바의 CCTV를 확보하지 않았다는 사실을 확인 받게 되었습니다. 내가 마지막으로 있던 바는 내부와 외부 모두에 CCTV를 가지고 있었고, 강간 신고 직후에 바로 CCTV를 요구했더라면 충분히 중요한 단서들을 찾을 수 있었을 것입니다. 또한 경찰은 이제는 시간이 너무 지나서 해당 바의 CCTV 영상을 확보할 수 없다고 했습니다.

경찰은 CCTV 영상을 확보하지 않은 것에 대해서, 내 경찰 진술에 해당 바에 대한 내용이 없었다고 변명하였으나 이는 사실이 아닙니다. 내가 마지막으로 갔던 바의 이름은 내가 이메일로 보낸 펍크롤 스케줄에 나와있었고, 나는 펍크롤 주최자의 연락처까지 보내주었습니다. 경찰이 단 한번이라도 확인할 생각을 했다면, 이런 중요한 단서를 잃지 않을 수 있었을 것입니다.



더 이상 나는 한국 경찰의 수사를 믿을 수 없었기 때문에, 직접 행동을 취해야겠다고 생각했습니다. 나는 나 말고도 한국에서 성폭력을 경험하고 이러한 경찰의 2차 가해와 무관심에 극심한 고통을 겪고 있을 성폭력 피해자들을 위해서 목소리를 내기로 결심했습니다.

그래서 나는 고펀드미 링크에 나의 경험을 모두 폭로하고, 한국 성폭력 수사 과정에 정의를 되찾기 위한 모금운동을 시작했습니다.




오전 9시에 경찰은 뉴스1 채널을 통해 나에 대한 기사를 내보냈습니다. 기사는


  • 경찰이 내 가슴에서 남성의 DNA를 채취했다고 말했습니다. 나는 사건 6개월이 지난 이때에야 DNA 증거가 채취되었다는 것을 한국의 언론 보도를 통해 알게 되었습니다.
  • 경찰은 약물에 대한 내 소변과 혈액 검사가 음성이었다고 말했습니다. 나는 사건 6개월이 지난 이때에야 이러한 검사가 이루어졌다는 것과, 결과가 나왔다는 사실을 한국의 언론 보도를 통해 알게 되었습니다. 게다가 경찰이 약물 검사 음성이 실제로 약물강간이 아님을 증명하지는 못한다는 설명 없이 이렇게만 보도했기 때문에, 사람들로부터 내가 거짓말을 하고 있다는 수많은 비난과 추측에 시달려야 했습니다.
  • 내가 지목한 페이스북의 남성이 사실 나이지리아 출신 사업가이며, 사건 당시 부산의 컨퍼런스에 참여하기 위해 입국해 있었으며, 나의 사건과 관련이 없는 사람이라고 발표하였습니다. 나는 사건 6개월이 지난 이때에야 이러한 정보를 한국의 언론 보도를 통해 알게 되었습니다. 나는 이후에 계속 왜 경찰이 해당 남성이 내 사건과 관련이 없다고 단정지었는지 물었으나, 경찰이 확보한 모텔 CCTV 영상에 그 남자가 없다는 것 외에는 어떤 증거도 제시하지 못했습니다.
    뿐만 아니라, 나는 사건 당시에 이 남성이 한국에 없었다고 한 한국 경찰의 거짓통보에 대해서도 의문을 가지게 되었습니다. 지금까지도 나는 이 남성이 왜 경찰의 수사망에서 제외된 것인지 제대로 알지 못합니다.
  • 내가 여러 모욕적인 질문을 받았다는 부분에 대해서, 조사할 때 신뢰관계인인 통역인이 참여하였기 때문에 모욕적인 질문이 없었다는 주장을 펼쳤습니다.
  • 또한 경찰은 번역 상의 문제로 나에게 직접 연락을 하지 않고, 대사관 측에 5회 이상 수사진행 사항을 통지하였다고 했는데, DNA 검사결과나 약물 반응, 알코올 수치 검사, 페이스북 남성에 대한 정보 등과 같은 중요한 정보들은 모두 빼놓고 대체 무엇을 통지하였다고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다.




한국 경찰은 뉴스1 채널에 나조차도 몰랐던 나의 수사진행상황을 밝히는 것에서 멈추지 않고, 경찰 공식 페이스북 계정에도 나를 향한 편지를 게시하였습니다. 경찰은 이 편지를 To. Airdre 라고 시작하였으면서, 나에게 직접 보내지 않고 자기들의 페이스북에 전체공개로 게시했습니다.

다음은 경찰이 페이스북에 게시하였던 나에 대한 편지 내용입니다.



그리고 경찰이 나의 고펀드미페이지에 와서 댓글로 경찰서 페이스북에 가서 해당 글을 확인해보라는 댓글을 남기기까지 하였습니다.






내가 아무 대답을 하지 않자, 경찰은 다시 나의 고펀드미 페이지에 해당 게시글을 확인하라고 댓글을 남겼습니다.




나는 경찰과 병원에, 수사 과정 중 내가 가지게 된 여러 의문점들에 대한 질문지를 보냈습니다.



펍크롤 주최자가 나에게 이제야 수사협조 요청을 받았다고 알려주었습니다.



페이스북에 경찰이 올린 편지에 화가 난 사람들의 댓글이 많이 달리자 경찰은 해당 편지 게시글을 지우고 “사과문”을 올렸습니다. 그러나 사과의 대상은 상처를 입은 내가 아니었으며, “본의 아니게 논란이 야기되어 유감스럽게 생각”한다고만 하였습니다.



경찰이 질문지에 대한 답변을 보내왔습니다. 그러나, 그들은 내가 궁금한 부분에 대해서 어떤 새로운, 납득할 만한 답변도 주지 못했습니다.

그들은 심지어 펍크롤 바나, 주최자에게 연락을 하지 않았던 게 내가 기억을 잘 하지 못해서 그런 것이라고 나를 비난하기까지 했습니다.

또한 페이스북에 나에 대한 편지를 올린 것 또한, 나에게 사과하거나 상황에 대해서 설명을 해주기 위함이 아니라, 자신들에 대한 부정적인 여론을 최소화(minimize negative publicity)하기 위해서였다고 말했습니다. 경찰에 대한 부정적인 여론을 해소하기 위해서 왜 피해자인 제가 이용되어야만 합니까?



경찰이 아무런 사전 경고도 없이 나의 메일로 CCTV 영상 스크린샷을 보냈습니다. 사진 속에는 두 남자가 나를 모텔로 데리고 들어가는 장면이 찍혀 있었습니다. 2015년 9월 이후로 경찰이 처음으로 나에게 직접 연락을 해온 것입니다. 나는 직장에서 아무런 마음의 준비도 없이 열었다가, 너무 충격을 받아 그 날 일을 하지 못하고 조퇴해야만 했습니다.

그 이메일에서 경찰은 두 명의 용의자를 잡았다고 말했습니다. “We arrested two suspects.”라고 쓰여있었습니다. 그러나 나중에 확인해보니, 한 명의 용의자만 체포되었다고 합니다. 경찰은 나에게 번역의 오류라고 해명하였으나 나는 이 사소한 실수 때문에 다시 한번 크나큰 좌절감을 겪어야만 했습니다.




나는 한국에 입국하여 경찰 관계자들과 7시간 정도 미팅을 가졌습니다.

경찰은 미팅 내내 하품을 하거나, 휴대폰을 만지거나, 심지어 이야기 도중 다른 사람과 전화통화를 하는 등 나를 무시하는 태도를 보였습니다. 거기에서 그치지 않고, 나를 비난하거나 비웃기도 했습니다. 내 질문들에 대해서는 명확하게 대답을 하지 않고, 번역가가 잘못 번역을 하였거나, 대사관이 전달을 잘 못했거나, 병원이 잘못 했다고 하는 등 계속 다른 사람들에게 책임을 돌렸습니다.

나는 한국 경찰이 나에게 준 상처들에 대해 사과를 하기를 바랬습니다. 몇 시간 동안 이야기를 나눈 뒤로 나는 경찰에게 사과하겠느냐고 물었습니다. 하지만 경찰은 끝까지 내 요구를 거부하였습니다. 오히려 나에게 내가 먼저 고펀드미를 통해 경찰을 비난한 책임이 있지 않느냐고 반문하기까지 했습니다. 그들은 나에게 정확하게 “Why don’t you admit that you were wrong?” 라고 말했습니다. 심지어 나에게 영어로 직접 이 이야기를 하였습니다.





지금의 상황은,

CCTV 영상에 있던 가해자 중 1명만 체포가 되어 재판을 진행하고 있는데, 법정에서는 증거가 부족하여 (증거가 부족한 게 제 잘못입니까? 왜 내가 한국경찰이 증거수집을 잘 못한 거에 대해서 고통을 당해야 하는지 모르겠습니다.), 강간으로 고소하기조차 어렵다고 합니다. 그는 지금 준강제추행죄로 기소되었습니다. 약물 사용이나 다른 남성과 협동하여 나를 모텔로 납치해 간 부분에 대해서도 인정되지 않았습니다. 다음 재판일은 6월 29일입니다.

영상의 다른 남자는 아직 체포되지도 않았고, 경찰이 수사를 계속 진행하고 있는지도 모르겠습니다.

마지막으로 내가 페이스북에서 지목했던 남성에 대한 수사도 경찰에게 진행해달라고 여러 번 요청하였으나, 경찰은 사건과 관련이 없다는 말만 계속할 뿐 명확한 설명도 없이 나의 요청을 방관하였습니다.